The Process
by Turrislucidus
Summary: When you get it wrong, why not get it right? A look at a writer, me, taking a critical look at their own work. I'm hoping, on the occasion of his birthday, Mr. Dahl would approve the effort. Cover art by me.


_Forward_

_In a perfect world, on this, the occasion of Mr. Dahls' birthday, I would have a chapter ready to publish, but in this world, I don't. What I do have, is the certainty that a scene in the last chapter of The Anniversary_ _is not what it should be. As the writer I'd like to be, and remembering Mr. Dahl and his characters, I have rewritten that scene and uploaded the new version to the story. For fun, I include them both here, with comments, for comparison. My comments are in italics and preceded by an em-dash._

* * *

First Version

* * *

An on-screen explosion exploded Charlie's chance to answer. On-screen Mike was blown back into a rack of saucepans, knocking all to the ground. The explosion had been in his mouth, a puff of smoke escaping that space as his mother checked on him.

_"I told you not to, silly boy."_

Willy smiled. "That kid's gonna break all his little teeth off.

_—It's fine up to now, but I'm about to go off the rails._

Those aren't for eating, they're for shooting. Once they hit a surface, they explode, and _then_ you eat them.

_—I'm off the rails. There is no evidence in the 2005 movie that anyone eats any of the exploding candy. The candy we see being loaded into guns and canons in that movie wouldn't fit into anyone's mouth, and there is no mention of enemies. _

Well, you eat the bits you can collect that haven't landed on the floor, unless, you know, you're really hungry, or it's a clean floor."

_—It's in the 1971 film that we see someone, Mike, eating the candy, and my misguided attempt to bring 2005 into 1971 had led me into a poor joke about restaurant food hygiene. _

"Three minute rule," nodded George.

Willy laughed. "We don't have that rule here. Here, we have the 'no seconds' rule, cuz we don't want 'seconds', only the best, 'firsts'."

"You must waste a lot."

"Nuh-uh," said Willy. "We don't drop a lot, cuz we're full of care, and that makes us careFULL.

_—Yeah, that whole joke: not that funny, because the 2005 movie didn't go there. And, George was repairing clocks in that film, which would make him a stickler for precision It's OOC to have him be the one to bring up the imperfection that is food on the floor. He'd be as horrified as Willy is. Josephine, using sarcasm when she said it, would have been a better choice. _

Now where was I? Oh, yeah, you can shoot those suckers at your enemies, from a distance. No use gettin' too close to your enemies! The force of the explosion is a function of the force of the impact. You can control that: did I mention distance? Force of throw? Slingshots? Your enemies think you're being mean, but you're really giving them candy. It confuses the heck out of 'em, and if ya gotta have enemies, confused enemies are the kind to have."

_—I do like this comment about confused enemies being the kind to have, but because of how I got to it, it's not going to make the cut._

"Mike must have bit down on that candy like a demon to get that result," observed Mrs. Bucket.

"I'll say," agreed Willy.

"The good news is," said Doris, "his knocking over the saucepan rack doesn't make the room any messier than it already was."

Willy giggled at the thought, but with what he heard next, he was sober once more.

_"…__Needs more gelignite."_

"Yeah, that's poison," sniffed Willy, his fingers interlaced in a contemplative 'v'. "If he's serious, he's a killer, and if he's kidding, it's a joke in very poor _taste_. That stuff is right up there with Whangdoodle blood."

More sight gags followed, and like the first, they left the audience cold. They added nothing, except to the problem. On screen, an alarm sounded: a secret machine was revealed.

_—I finish back on the rails, but mixing the two versions, however innocently, hasn't done the story any favors._

* * *

Second Version

* * *

An on-screen explosion exploded Charlie's chance to answer. On-screen Mike was blown back into a rack of saucepans, knocking all to the ground. The explosion had been in his mouth, a puff of smoke escaping that space as his mother checked on him.

"Take that!" said Georgina, shaking a fist.

_—I went with Georgina because I've been neglecting her, and she'd do this._

_"I told you not to, silly boy."_

Willy smiled. "That kid's gonna break all his little teeth off. They're not for eating, they're for shooting."

_—This is true to the 2005 version, so it stays in._

Charlie nodded. He remembered well the first time he'd seen the multi-storied Exploding Candy Room. _'Candy doesn't have to have a point,'_ he'd said, watching the trails of sparks, and myriad bright explosions. '_That's why it's candy.' _The boy he'd said it to, Mike Teavee, still hadn't gotten it. _'Candy is a waste of time,'_ Mike had answered. Willy, Mr. Wonka at the time, had said nothing, only breaking his silence to answer Mike's next demand: _'I wanna pick a room.' _Willy's eager answer came roaring back: _'Go ahead.'_

Go ahead. Should he? Charlie had a question himself.

_—Having gone with Charlie, I'm staying with what happened in 2005._

"Willy."

"Charlie."

"Why do you make candy for shooting, and not for eating?"

_"That's exploding candy for your enemies."_

_—I like the way I can use the line from one movie to support the other._

"That's why," sighed Willy, happily amazed that Mr. Wilder was being helpful. "My principal enemy is boredom, so targeting that, I make targets my enemies. Cuz ya know what? You can make targets look like anything ya want, and ya know what vanquishes targets? Shooting at em' does. I've got a ton o' targets in that room, and we, the Oompa-Loompas and I, vanquish em' all, whenever we want. How's that for a confidence builder when the chips, ha, ha, are gettin' ya down? Plus, it's fun on its own. It's always surprised me that you don't play there."

_—And this is an explanation that doesn't require anyone to be OOC to make._

"But why make the missiles out of candy? Why not the real thing?"

"You've been living here all this time, and you still don't know they _are_ the real thing? My dear Charlie, tsk, tsk! You make me think you're not paying attention! The only thing candy on 'em is the coating!"

_"…Needs more gelignite."_

"See? He gets it, but he's gone too far. Have I mentioned that Exploding Candies are for shooting, and not for eating?" Leaning forwards, Willy laced his fingers into a contemplative 'V'. "If Not-me-up-there is serious about the gelignite, he's a killer, and if he's kidding, then it's a joke in _very_ poor taste. Compared to that stuff, Whangdoodle blood is a treat."

_—This is more of the one movie dovetailing into the other._

"That poor child," said Mrs. Bucket, counting her blessing that she'd never been asked to sample Whangdoodle blood.

"The good news is," said Doris, "his knocking over the saucepan rack doesn't make the room any messier than it already was."

Mrs. Bucket frowned. The Oompa-Loompas said the oddest things sometimes.

_—On track, I can add more details._

With a nod to Doris, Willy raised an agreeing brow, but peering at Mrs. Bucket, he saw that she could use some soothing. "The force of the explosion is somewhat dependent on the force of its impact."

_—I can also work in some of that explanation from the first version._

"Then Mike must have chomped his teeth on that candy like a demon," observed Mrs. Bucket.

"I concur the cur did indeed," agreed Willy. "You should have seen him go to town on my pumpkins! I think he is a demon."

Georgina dissolved into giggles. "Impacted no-wisdom teeth," she crowed, and for a minute, with smiles all 'round, every one thought every thing would be fine.

_—Having led off with Georgina, I finish up with her, and I like the bookending effect of that, and on we go._

Messing that up, more sight gags followed, but like the first, they left the audience cold. They added nothing, except to the growing problem. On screen, an alarm sounded: a secret machine was revealed.

* * *

_And that's that; I don't know that I'll leave this up, but I did want to do something to mark this special day. These characters are not mine, but I hope you enjoyed them. Happy Birthday Mr. Dahl... The characters you created have given us many happy days, and thank you for that. _Turrislucidus


End file.
